Tea or Vodka?

Last weekend I joined the Harvey girls on a trip to the great city of Shanghai. We stayed at a swanky art deco hotel with a bathroom the size of my bedroom at home and beds as hard as rocks. I had a fabulous time. Uncle Harvey had put me in contact with some people in Shanghai who I contacted upon arriving in China. One of those contacts, Sophie, met us for lunch and then showed us around some parts of the city. That night Jessica and I stayed out till early in the morning dancing with the expats of Shanghai. The next day we went to the market where I practiced my bargaining skills - let's just say I need to work on my poker face.
I wanted to catch a train back to Suzhou in the late afternoon so I could start on my homework, but when we went to the train station, all of the trains were full except for a 9:30pm "K" train. In China there are different kinds of trains. "D" trains are clean, sleek and comfortable. "K" trains, well, not so much. After entering the "lounge" to wait for my train, I saw people sleeping everywhere: on the floor, on top of garbage and food...I guess they were gearing up for the long train ride home. After being corralled through a narrow gate we went down to meet our train. It was then that I realized that my ticket did not have a seat number. I went to the conductor and showed him my seatless ticket. He proceeded to point to the ticket, then at me, and then to the space beside him - like he wanted me to wait. I thought, I can do this, and settled for standing next to him for the next half hour. He talked to me constantly in Chinese, probably thinking that if I heard it enough I would understand him. Not so much. Instead, the more he talked, the more I panicked. Here I was in a strange country, in a far stranger train station, and not able to communicate. Meanwhile, a small crowd had gathered around us...fellow conductors, people getting off the train for a smoke, and people who just seemed to want to stare at me. There was a lot of finger pointing and laughing.
By the time 9:30 came around, I tried to retrieve my ticket from the conductor and board the train, but he refused to give it back. He pointed to the train, which I awkwardly squeezed onto - there were no seats left and so I was fated to stand in the front of the train amongst chain smoking, personal-boundary-pushing locals. Then came the kicker...the conductor followed me onto the train, took my baggage and brought it to the "captain's room". Unwilling to let my luggage out of my sight, I followed, and was sat down on a bench in a closet. The conductor sat next to me and launched into what I assumed to be a thorough explanation of the events of the last half hour. I just nodded and smiled while carefully watching to make sure he did not close the door, as I didn't think I would want to be couped up in a closet with him for the entire trip, alone.
As he lit up his first of many cigarettes, he started up the conversation where he left off...and I still had no idea what he was talking about. As he kept pointing to his nose, and then at me, several passengers stopped by to glance into the closet, stare at me for an uncomfortable period of time, wave, and then make room for the next spectator. I felt like a zoo animal. Meanwhile, his charming cohort (another conductor) squeezed past everyone and into the already filled to capacity closet. After situating himself opposite "my conductor" and I, he lit a cigarette for himself, spat right by my foot for good measure, and then offered me the choice of tea or vodka. And my very own cigarette. What a lucky girl.
While I turned down his offers as politely as I could, My Conductor" picked up my arm and started counting my freckles. A young man, who was taking his turn watching me, started to translate a bit for us. He said that the Chinese people only have freckles when they are old. My Conductor pointed to his freckle and said that it appeared when he turned 40. As I clearly wasn't forty, they were mystified as to why I had developed freckles at such a young age.
The half-hour long train ride passed fairly quickly and upon my arrival, the translator helped me off the train with my bag, and then proceeded to escort me through Suzhou's train station and into a cab. Although he told me that he was heading to his sister's house, which was far away from where I am staying, he got into the cab with me. He and the cab driver deliberated over the address of the Hotel for a good ten minutes, and then we headed off. Of course, I knew where the hotel was, as I have lived there for the past three weeks, but it seemed like they wanted to navigate it on their own. They dropped me off at 100Happy Hotel and the next morning I woke up and asked myself if last night actually happened. It did. I have the spittle on my shoe to prove it.